I have a thousand things I'd like to write about. I've missed writing. It seems like finding enough quiet time for my brain to actually start thinking (as opposed to sorting out what just happened, what's about to happen, what should be happening, etc) is more difficult than ever. But, here I am. I've had about 15 minutes to decompress and review some notes I've made in my journal, and I'm just going to write.
The seasons are changing. This coming winter is exciting and dreadful all at the same time. I'm not who I was last winter. It makes everything a little more fun. Will I be more plugged in to my kids? Will I enjoy snow again instead of dread all the work it takes to go outside and play? Will this be a year of living in the moment? I hope so.
I am learning over and over again that the season of having small children is a fleeting thing. It's never stationary. That's one of the blessings and curses of life with little kids. But in reflecting on my life this past year I have learned some big lessons:
1. I am a mom. Yes, that might seem like a given, but it's news to me. You see, these past six years I've been trying to continue to operate as if I had no children. But I do. In fact, I have three. Three kids under 6. Yikes! No wonder attempting to live as though I had no kids was starting to literally kill parts of me... the parts you need most as you raise kids! Joy, laughter, love, self-control... in fact, ALL the fruits of the spirit were disappearing from my life! But no more. Although the fact is still soaking into the depths of my being and I haven't fully grasped it's reality, at least it's there - I am a mother. And a mother I will always be.
2. Piggybacking on my first lesson is this - I don't have to fight against being a mother! "Fulfilling myself" and "serving God's people" and all the other million goals and desires I have for my life can be successfully found while mothering! Crazy, huh?! All this time I have been bucking this idea. I had the thought that I needed to be all things in order to be happy... a mother, yes. But also an artist, a massage therapist, a successful business woman, a writer, a singer, a great cook, a prepper, a gardener, a canner, a homesteader, and of course somewhere in there needs to be a child of God, a good wife, a good daughter, sister, aunt, friend, daughter-in-law, neighbor, acquaintance... All I was shooting for was perfection. Is that too much to ask?! Man, housecleaning didn't even make it onto that list. :) But now that I have realized that I am a mother, and that is my God-given purpose in this life, I can pick and choose these other things as I desire. I am no longer a slave to societies pressures to do it all because it's expected of me. All that is expected of me is to do justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with my God. To love God with all my heart, soul and mind and to love my neighbor as myself. And in doing those things, mothering will blossom. Even if HannahBeth never plucks a fresh egg from under our own chicken or learns how to can her own homegrown tomatoes, I can teach her the depth and width and height of God's love for her! And in so doing, I can let it sink into my heart to. Just as I am. And as I learn what God's grace and mercy and love look like, I can grow so much more effectively into who He desires for me to be! Yes, I don't have to fight being a mother.
3. This is much less deep, but also so important. Elijah DOES have food allergies. And when we are careful about what he and I eat it makes all the difference. Life is bearable when he only wakes up once or twice a night as he should instead of every hour. Oh what a blessing that knowledge is. How thankful I am that I leapt off that cliff and accepted that, as his mom, it was my responsibility to take the hard road and figure out what was making my baby behave so strangely.
I have so many more lessons to learn. How do I pick my battles when the world around me is so far from what God intended for us? How do I find time to foster those things that we do decide on as priorities? What can I do to help my family be successful in the important things in 2, 5, 10, 20 years?
So many more places to go. So much more growth to do. One thing at a time, self. And most important, thank you to my heavenly Father and Brother who are my biggest cheerleaders. Now THAT'S a strange mental picture, eh? :) But I know They have been there with me all the way, and I know They aren't going anywhere anytime soon.
On to another day of life more abundant!
