I have a thousand things I'd like to write about. I've missed writing. It seems like finding enough quiet time for my brain to actually start thinking (as opposed to sorting out what just happened, what's about to happen, what should be happening, etc) is more difficult than ever. But, here I am. I've had about 15 minutes to decompress and review some notes I've made in my journal, and I'm just going to write.
The seasons are changing. This coming winter is exciting and dreadful all at the same time. I'm not who I was last winter. It makes everything a little more fun. Will I be more plugged in to my kids? Will I enjoy snow again instead of dread all the work it takes to go outside and play? Will this be a year of living in the moment? I hope so.
I am learning over and over again that the season of having small children is a fleeting thing. It's never stationary. That's one of the blessings and curses of life with little kids. But in reflecting on my life this past year I have learned some big lessons:
1. I am a mom. Yes, that might seem like a given, but it's news to me. You see, these past six years I've been trying to continue to operate as if I had no children. But I do. In fact, I have three. Three kids under 6. Yikes! No wonder attempting to live as though I had no kids was starting to literally kill parts of me... the parts you need most as you raise kids! Joy, laughter, love, self-control... in fact, ALL the fruits of the spirit were disappearing from my life! But no more. Although the fact is still soaking into the depths of my being and I haven't fully grasped it's reality, at least it's there - I am a mother. And a mother I will always be.
2. Piggybacking on my first lesson is this - I don't have to fight against being a mother! "Fulfilling myself" and "serving God's people" and all the other million goals and desires I have for my life can be successfully found while mothering! Crazy, huh?! All this time I have been bucking this idea. I had the thought that I needed to be all things in order to be happy... a mother, yes. But also an artist, a massage therapist, a successful business woman, a writer, a singer, a great cook, a prepper, a gardener, a canner, a homesteader, and of course somewhere in there needs to be a child of God, a good wife, a good daughter, sister, aunt, friend, daughter-in-law, neighbor, acquaintance... All I was shooting for was perfection. Is that too much to ask?! Man, housecleaning didn't even make it onto that list. :) But now that I have realized that I am a mother, and that is my God-given purpose in this life, I can pick and choose these other things as I desire. I am no longer a slave to societies pressures to do it all because it's expected of me. All that is expected of me is to do justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with my God. To love God with all my heart, soul and mind and to love my neighbor as myself. And in doing those things, mothering will blossom. Even if HannahBeth never plucks a fresh egg from under our own chicken or learns how to can her own homegrown tomatoes, I can teach her the depth and width and height of God's love for her! And in so doing, I can let it sink into my heart to. Just as I am. And as I learn what God's grace and mercy and love look like, I can grow so much more effectively into who He desires for me to be! Yes, I don't have to fight being a mother.
3. This is much less deep, but also so important. Elijah DOES have food allergies. And when we are careful about what he and I eat it makes all the difference. Life is bearable when he only wakes up once or twice a night as he should instead of every hour. Oh what a blessing that knowledge is. How thankful I am that I leapt off that cliff and accepted that, as his mom, it was my responsibility to take the hard road and figure out what was making my baby behave so strangely.
I have so many more lessons to learn. How do I pick my battles when the world around me is so far from what God intended for us? How do I find time to foster those things that we do decide on as priorities? What can I do to help my family be successful in the important things in 2, 5, 10, 20 years?
So many more places to go. So much more growth to do. One thing at a time, self. And most important, thank you to my heavenly Father and Brother who are my biggest cheerleaders. Now THAT'S a strange mental picture, eh? :) But I know They have been there with me all the way, and I know They aren't going anywhere anytime soon.
On to another day of life more abundant!
Sunday, November 30, 2014
Saturday, July 12, 2014
You can do this.
Ok self-
I see you struggling to hold on to self-control.
I hear baby screaming.
I see toddler needing you.
I feel the pressure of lunch time approaching.
And you are barely holding on - all you want to do is
watch TV
read e-mail
escape into ANYTHING
other than this moment.
This moment will not be perfect,
but it has purpose.
You are hungry, tired, unshowered, dehydrated and sucked dry.
Yes, Love.
I see you.
But you can do this.
Do it.
I see you struggling to hold on to self-control.
I hear baby screaming.
I see toddler needing you.
I feel the pressure of lunch time approaching.
And you are barely holding on - all you want to do is
watch TV
read e-mail
escape into ANYTHING
other than this moment.
But this moment is what you were created for.
This moment is where God steps in and provides the strength you lack.This moment will not be perfect,
but it has purpose.
You are hungry, tired, unshowered, dehydrated and sucked dry.
Yes, Love.
I see you.
But you can do this.
You CAN do this.
YOU CAN DO THIS!
Now go.Do it.
Saturday, June 14, 2014
{Sanctify Them} The Church
Hello all! Please forgive me, I don't have a lot of time... but I do have a little and I have a section of scripture that struck me today. Here's what I was reading... it's a chapter and a half of Haggai...
The Command to Rebuild the Temple
In the second year of Darius the king, in the sixth month, on the first day of the month, the word of the Lord came by the hand of Haggai the prophet to Zerubbabel the son of Shealtiel, governor of Judah, and to Joshua the son of Jehozadak, the high priest: “Thus says the Lord of hosts: These people say the time has not yet come to rebuild the house of the Lord.” Then the word of the Lord came by the hand of Haggai the prophet, “Is it a time for you yourselves to dwell in your paneled houses, while this house lies in ruins? Now, therefore, thus says the Lord of hosts: Consider your ways. You have sown much, and harvested little. You eat, but you never have enough; you drink, but you never have your fill. You clothe yourselves, but no one is warm. And he who earns wages does so to put them into a bag with holes. “Thus says the Lord of hosts: Consider your ways. Go up to the hills and bring wood and build the house, that I may take pleasure in it and that I may be glorified, says the Lord. You looked for much, and behold, it came to little. And when you brought it home, I blew it away. Why? declares the Lord of hosts. Because of my house that lies in ruins, while each of you busies himself with his own house. Therefore the heavens above you have withheld the dew, and the earth has withheld its produce. And I have called for a drought on the land and the hills, on the grain, the new wine, the oil, on what the ground brings forth, on man and beast, and on all their labors.”
The People Obey the Lord
Then Zerubbabel the son of Shealtiel, and Joshua the son of Jehozadak, the high priest, with all the remnant of the people, obeyed the voice of the Lord their God, and the words of Haggai the prophet, as the Lord their God had sent him. And the people feared the Lord. Then Haggai, the messenger of the Lord, spoke to the people with the Lord's message, “I am with you, declares the Lord.” And the Lord stirred up the spirit of Zerubbabel the son of Shealtiel, governor of Judah, and the spirit of Joshua the son of Jehozadak, the high priest, and the spirit of all the remnant of the people. And they came and worked on the house of the Lord of hosts, their God, on the twenty-fourth day of the month, in the sixth month, in the second year of Darius the king.
The Coming Glory of the Temple
In the seventh month, on the twenty-first day of the month, the word of the Lord came by the hand of Haggai the prophet, “Speak now to Zerubbabel the son of Shealtiel, governor of Judah, and to Joshua the son of Jehozadak, the high priest, and to all the remnant of the people, and say, Who is left among you who saw this house in its former glory? How do you see it now? Is it not as nothing in your eyes? Yet now be strong, O Zerubbabel, declares the Lord. Be strong, O Joshua, son of Jehozadak, the high priest. Be strong, all you people of the land, declares the Lord. Work, for I am with you, declares the Lord of hosts, according to the covenant that I made with you when you came out of Egypt. My Spirit remains in your midst. Fear not. For thus says the Lord of hosts: Yet once more, in a little while, I will shake the heavens and the earth and the sea and the dry land. And I will shake all nations, so that the treasures of all nations shall come in, and I will fill this house with glory, says the Lord of hosts. The silver is mine, and the gold is mine, declares the Lord of hosts. The latter glory of this house shall be greater than the former, says the Lord of hosts. And in this place I will give peace, declares the Lord of Hosts
Hag 1:1 - 2:9
Here I see a progression that can easily be translated into our current day...
"The Command to Rebuild the Temple"
How can we continue to feather our own nests and grow our collections of 'stuff' while the agape love of God is largely missing from our congregations? Ok, that's not fair... most congregations might have agape for those in their congregation. And to a large part, church organizations also have a fair amount of built in love for all of it's members. But the AGAPE of GOD is sorely missing once the artificial walls of an organization are in place. And here we are, attempting to make our lives easier and better and neglecting the modern day literal temple of God.
"The People Obey the Lord"
"I am with you!" God renews His faith in us, and let's us know. Once we take the step of faith to rebuild those relationships that have been severed by pride and human brokenness, God works in amazing ways. Truly amazing ways.
"The Coming Glory of the Temple"
Only a month and a half from beginning to build, God comes back with more words of encouragement. If we try to bridge the gaps and rebuild His modern temple, it will still be in shambles. The glory of hundreds of thousands of people being of one accord isn't going to happen, even if all those in the splits did hold hands and sing "Kumbaya". BUT, the time is coming when the glory of this Church WILL outshine any glory that has come before. In His Kingdom. At His return. We will shine like Him and with Him as members truly of one accord... and the part that makes me tear up... "And in this place I will give peace, declares the Lord of Hosts."
Now that some time has settled the dust of the most recent split in my organization, we have found that any genuine reach of agape love to people who we deeply loved before has been met with a mutual desire to share God's fruits and love, at least while we're in the same room. And let me tell you, it might not be the former glory of all being together every week... it might not even be calling or e-mailing or anything outside of the times we make the effort to go visit... but it's something. And those good and right and peaceful feelings of hugs and renewed speaking terms are worth more than I can say.
A peaceful day to all as we attempt the monumental task of rebuilding. Together.
The Command to Rebuild the Temple
In the second year of Darius the king, in the sixth month, on the first day of the month, the word of the Lord came by the hand of Haggai the prophet to Zerubbabel the son of Shealtiel, governor of Judah, and to Joshua the son of Jehozadak, the high priest: “Thus says the Lord of hosts: These people say the time has not yet come to rebuild the house of the Lord.” Then the word of the Lord came by the hand of Haggai the prophet, “Is it a time for you yourselves to dwell in your paneled houses, while this house lies in ruins? Now, therefore, thus says the Lord of hosts: Consider your ways. You have sown much, and harvested little. You eat, but you never have enough; you drink, but you never have your fill. You clothe yourselves, but no one is warm. And he who earns wages does so to put them into a bag with holes. “Thus says the Lord of hosts: Consider your ways. Go up to the hills and bring wood and build the house, that I may take pleasure in it and that I may be glorified, says the Lord. You looked for much, and behold, it came to little. And when you brought it home, I blew it away. Why? declares the Lord of hosts. Because of my house that lies in ruins, while each of you busies himself with his own house. Therefore the heavens above you have withheld the dew, and the earth has withheld its produce. And I have called for a drought on the land and the hills, on the grain, the new wine, the oil, on what the ground brings forth, on man and beast, and on all their labors.”
The People Obey the Lord
Then Zerubbabel the son of Shealtiel, and Joshua the son of Jehozadak, the high priest, with all the remnant of the people, obeyed the voice of the Lord their God, and the words of Haggai the prophet, as the Lord their God had sent him. And the people feared the Lord. Then Haggai, the messenger of the Lord, spoke to the people with the Lord's message, “I am with you, declares the Lord.” And the Lord stirred up the spirit of Zerubbabel the son of Shealtiel, governor of Judah, and the spirit of Joshua the son of Jehozadak, the high priest, and the spirit of all the remnant of the people. And they came and worked on the house of the Lord of hosts, their God, on the twenty-fourth day of the month, in the sixth month, in the second year of Darius the king.
The Coming Glory of the Temple
In the seventh month, on the twenty-first day of the month, the word of the Lord came by the hand of Haggai the prophet, “Speak now to Zerubbabel the son of Shealtiel, governor of Judah, and to Joshua the son of Jehozadak, the high priest, and to all the remnant of the people, and say, Who is left among you who saw this house in its former glory? How do you see it now? Is it not as nothing in your eyes? Yet now be strong, O Zerubbabel, declares the Lord. Be strong, O Joshua, son of Jehozadak, the high priest. Be strong, all you people of the land, declares the Lord. Work, for I am with you, declares the Lord of hosts, according to the covenant that I made with you when you came out of Egypt. My Spirit remains in your midst. Fear not. For thus says the Lord of hosts: Yet once more, in a little while, I will shake the heavens and the earth and the sea and the dry land. And I will shake all nations, so that the treasures of all nations shall come in, and I will fill this house with glory, says the Lord of hosts. The silver is mine, and the gold is mine, declares the Lord of hosts. The latter glory of this house shall be greater than the former, says the Lord of hosts. And in this place I will give peace, declares the Lord of Hosts
Hag 1:1 - 2:9
Here I see a progression that can easily be translated into our current day...
"The Command to Rebuild the Temple"
How can we continue to feather our own nests and grow our collections of 'stuff' while the agape love of God is largely missing from our congregations? Ok, that's not fair... most congregations might have agape for those in their congregation. And to a large part, church organizations also have a fair amount of built in love for all of it's members. But the AGAPE of GOD is sorely missing once the artificial walls of an organization are in place. And here we are, attempting to make our lives easier and better and neglecting the modern day literal temple of God.
"The People Obey the Lord"
"I am with you!" God renews His faith in us, and let's us know. Once we take the step of faith to rebuild those relationships that have been severed by pride and human brokenness, God works in amazing ways. Truly amazing ways.
"The Coming Glory of the Temple"
Only a month and a half from beginning to build, God comes back with more words of encouragement. If we try to bridge the gaps and rebuild His modern temple, it will still be in shambles. The glory of hundreds of thousands of people being of one accord isn't going to happen, even if all those in the splits did hold hands and sing "Kumbaya". BUT, the time is coming when the glory of this Church WILL outshine any glory that has come before. In His Kingdom. At His return. We will shine like Him and with Him as members truly of one accord... and the part that makes me tear up... "And in this place I will give peace, declares the Lord of Hosts."
Now that some time has settled the dust of the most recent split in my organization, we have found that any genuine reach of agape love to people who we deeply loved before has been met with a mutual desire to share God's fruits and love, at least while we're in the same room. And let me tell you, it might not be the former glory of all being together every week... it might not even be calling or e-mailing or anything outside of the times we make the effort to go visit... but it's something. And those good and right and peaceful feelings of hugs and renewed speaking terms are worth more than I can say.
A peaceful day to all as we attempt the monumental task of rebuilding. Together.
Wednesday, June 4, 2014
"Oh the things we say..." - May 2014
DC: J is growing up so fast. He's even learning how to pronunciate things correctly.
AC: Yeah, and he's even learning how to pronounce things too.
AC: No, J, no more nuffins! (his word for "muffin")
*while my 1 year old was nursing and holding his sippy of water at the same time, he started wildly signing for water as he was drinking milk. He kept getting more and more upset as he continued to cuddle his sippy and sign for water while nursing on me and only getting milk.*
AC: E, only one thing comes out of what you're holding on to, and it ain't water. You're going to have to let go of this if you want that, you know what I'm sayin'?
AC: Yeah, and he's even learning how to pronounce things too.
AC: No, J, no more nuffins! (his word for "muffin")
*while my 1 year old was nursing and holding his sippy of water at the same time, he started wildly signing for water as he was drinking milk. He kept getting more and more upset as he continued to cuddle his sippy and sign for water while nursing on me and only getting milk.*
AC: E, only one thing comes out of what you're holding on to, and it ain't water. You're going to have to let go of this if you want that, you know what I'm sayin'?
Beautiful Spontaneity
Some of my most beautiful choices have been headlong leaps into the unknown.
Perhaps you haven't noticed before, but I tend to live by the seat of my pants. Yes, I am a planner. Yes, I love lists. Yes, I can organize and carry out fairly big projects. But I also work best under pressure. And when you don't have anyone giving you pressure anymore, you sort of have to make it yourself. And when you make it yourself, once in a while you realize just how impulsive you really are.
Looking back I can see some major times in my life when my impulsivity changed my very life course.
- When I chose to relocate permanently to Cincinnati barely days after returning home from school
- When I accepted my husbands proposal of marriage a mere 5 months after meeting him
- When he talked me into going to college to get my bachelors degree, and finished in 3 years
- When we decided to start having kids and I said I was all in! Let's stack 'em deep and sell 'em cheap.
- When I started this blog!
The consequences of the kid example are the most beautiful, funny, difficult, endearing, frustrating, lovable blessings in my life. And I'm only one shy of my goal of 4. Yet, now that I'm the mother of a blossoming 5 year old, a sensitive but hilarious 3 year old, and the most demanding, laid back paradox-of-a-1-year-old I've ever met, I've stepped back a little from my headlong ways to breath a bit. Or at least I thought I had.
You see, little 1 year old has shown signs of having food allergies for a while now. And so, after talking about it for a few weeks, I decided (pretty much overnight) to do it. Yep. I'm doing it. I'm all psyched up for it, the energy is there... let's make it happen.
I'm on day three of being a family free of the 8 big allergens - dairy, eggs, wheat, soy, peanuts, tree nuts, fish and shellfish. And I thought, why not! In for an ounce, in for a pound (that's what I always say!). Let's throw in gluten! So here we are, learning as we go. Stumbling through our diets and feeling hungry as I figure out what portions are appropriate when there's not a thick piece of bread or big bowl of pasta to go with our meals.
Oh homemade mac and cheese... how I could eat an enormous bowl of you right now. Preferably with a big slab of homemade garlic bread, a tall glass of milk, and a big portion of ice cream to top it off. :)
Here's to hoping this latest case of jumping off my own manmade cliff turns into yet another amazing, life-changing event that brings me more joy and energy to make other life-changing cliff jumps possible.
Perhaps you haven't noticed before, but I tend to live by the seat of my pants. Yes, I am a planner. Yes, I love lists. Yes, I can organize and carry out fairly big projects. But I also work best under pressure. And when you don't have anyone giving you pressure anymore, you sort of have to make it yourself. And when you make it yourself, once in a while you realize just how impulsive you really are.
Looking back I can see some major times in my life when my impulsivity changed my very life course.
- When I chose to relocate permanently to Cincinnati barely days after returning home from school
- When I accepted my husbands proposal of marriage a mere 5 months after meeting him
- When he talked me into going to college to get my bachelors degree, and finished in 3 years
- When we decided to start having kids and I said I was all in! Let's stack 'em deep and sell 'em cheap.
- When I started this blog!
The consequences of the kid example are the most beautiful, funny, difficult, endearing, frustrating, lovable blessings in my life. And I'm only one shy of my goal of 4. Yet, now that I'm the mother of a blossoming 5 year old, a sensitive but hilarious 3 year old, and the most demanding, laid back paradox-of-a-1-year-old I've ever met, I've stepped back a little from my headlong ways to breath a bit. Or at least I thought I had.
You see, little 1 year old has shown signs of having food allergies for a while now. And so, after talking about it for a few weeks, I decided (pretty much overnight) to do it. Yep. I'm doing it. I'm all psyched up for it, the energy is there... let's make it happen.
I'm on day three of being a family free of the 8 big allergens - dairy, eggs, wheat, soy, peanuts, tree nuts, fish and shellfish. And I thought, why not! In for an ounce, in for a pound (that's what I always say!). Let's throw in gluten! So here we are, learning as we go. Stumbling through our diets and feeling hungry as I figure out what portions are appropriate when there's not a thick piece of bread or big bowl of pasta to go with our meals.
Oh homemade mac and cheese... how I could eat an enormous bowl of you right now. Preferably with a big slab of homemade garlic bread, a tall glass of milk, and a big portion of ice cream to top it off. :)
Here's to hoping this latest case of jumping off my own manmade cliff turns into yet another amazing, life-changing event that brings me more joy and energy to make other life-changing cliff jumps possible.
Sunday, May 11, 2014
A Special People
I just read something that literally blew my mind. It stopped me in my mental tracks. My breath caught. I couldn't finish reading without pausing and considering the implications of the words I just took in.
I have been reading a book called Captivating by John and Staci Eldridge. So far it has been a good read. Lots of nuggets that make me stop and think... think about my childhood and parents, think about my parenting and how I'm affecting my children, and think about God and me and what He truly thinks of who I am.
On page 120, they ask the question, "What is it that God wants from you?" It's an amazing question to me. I asked that same question in an article titled "The Slow Tree" I wrote for our church publication. My answer in my article was, "God is your Father, you are His daughter. What does any father want from a daughter? For her to love him, to talk to him and to include him in her life. To take what he says seriously.” I came to that conclusion after months of inward battles and nights of crying and searching. It was a hard fought revelation in my life, and one that has helped this past year as I slowly continue to grow in grace and knowledge.
A few pages past that, the Eldridge's talk about how God views women, and specifically how women played a major role in Jesus' life...
"There was an event that took place in the life of Jesus that He said should be told whenever the Gospel is proclaimed around the world. It was when Mary of Bethany came an anointed Him with perfume, which cost a year's wages. It as an extravagant act of sacrificial worship, and the aroma of it filled the room. Jesus was profoundly moved by it. The men gathered there were indignant. It was a woman who did this for Christ. Just as it was also a woman who rushed into the Pharisee's house uninvited and washed Jesus' feet with her tears, dried them with her hair, and kissed them in an act of intimate, repentant worship." p.124
Now in and of itself, these two examples aren't that compelling. Yes, there were two women who did extraordinary things - breaking the mold of society in order to serve the Lord of All when it was in their power to do so - but they go on...
"It was women who followed Jesus from Galilee to care for His needs. It was women who stayed at the foot of the cross, offering Him the comfort of their presence until Jesus breathed His last (only John remained with them). It was to women that Jesus first revealed Himself after He rose from the dead, and it was women who first 'clasped His feet and worshiped Him' (Matt. 28:9) as the Risen, Victorious Lord." p.124
Wow. Women were intimately involved in every part of His ministry, and especially when times got hard. They were devoted. They were there. Not only were they there, but they were helpful to Jesus. Women attended to His needs. Women prepared the meals. But it was also women who offered Him comfort and support. They did not turn away from His pain. They stayed. They witnessed it. They smelled the smells and held their breath with Him. They experienced the gut wrenching sight of His agony. Their insides churned with helplessness. Their tears streamed down with His.
And you know what? I think that was really helpful to Jesus. He saw them. He knew they were there, and He loved them for it. Jesus loved those women. Those women gave Jesus the gift of love back.
The book goes on...
"Women hold a special place in the heart of God. A woman's worship brings Jesus immense pleasure and a deep ministry." p. 124-125
Here's where my breath caught...
"You can minister to the heart of God." p.125
What?!
I can minster to the heart of God?! That's CRAZY TALK! What can I possibly do to make God feel better or whole or refreshed? What can I possibly do to minister to God?!
My mind immediately started whirring... if people could lend support to Jesus when He was here, who says He doesn't still like it now? Or our Father? And even if it isn't technically needed, doesn't it feel good as a parent when your child comes up and takes your hand and says, "It's ok, Mommy. It'll be ok." Maybe it's not needed for a 5 year old to offer that help for the parent to know it's true... but somehow it's sweetness matters.
"You impact Him. You matter." p. 125
Me. I impact Him. I matter. Something inside me doesn't believe this is true. In fact, in reading this book I realized I believe that I am very replaceable in God's plan. God says He loves me and that He will fight for me, but He also says that if I am unwilling He can fulfill His plan by using rocks if needed. Somehow my heart holds on to the latter instead of the former. I find myself clinging to "He doesn't need me. He has thousands of other people who are doing His work. Who am I? I can choose to turn away right now and although it would be sad for those who love me, it wouldn't alter God's course." I know that's true but wow, that's a sad way to look at my life. This is something I want to change, something I need to change.
I am beautiful.
I am strong.
I am capable.
I am loved.
I am desired by the God of the universe.
I am me,
and I am His.
Help me believe it, Father. Whisper it to me when I forget the words. When I fall down. When I can't find my heart among the thorns of this life. When I turn to stone, help me remember and rest and become soft again. Help me believe I am special to You. Because if I am special to You, I can do anything.
I have been reading a book called Captivating by John and Staci Eldridge. So far it has been a good read. Lots of nuggets that make me stop and think... think about my childhood and parents, think about my parenting and how I'm affecting my children, and think about God and me and what He truly thinks of who I am.
On page 120, they ask the question, "What is it that God wants from you?" It's an amazing question to me. I asked that same question in an article titled "The Slow Tree" I wrote for our church publication. My answer in my article was, "God is your Father, you are His daughter. What does any father want from a daughter? For her to love him, to talk to him and to include him in her life. To take what he says seriously.” I came to that conclusion after months of inward battles and nights of crying and searching. It was a hard fought revelation in my life, and one that has helped this past year as I slowly continue to grow in grace and knowledge.
A few pages past that, the Eldridge's talk about how God views women, and specifically how women played a major role in Jesus' life...
"There was an event that took place in the life of Jesus that He said should be told whenever the Gospel is proclaimed around the world. It was when Mary of Bethany came an anointed Him with perfume, which cost a year's wages. It as an extravagant act of sacrificial worship, and the aroma of it filled the room. Jesus was profoundly moved by it. The men gathered there were indignant. It was a woman who did this for Christ. Just as it was also a woman who rushed into the Pharisee's house uninvited and washed Jesus' feet with her tears, dried them with her hair, and kissed them in an act of intimate, repentant worship." p.124
Now in and of itself, these two examples aren't that compelling. Yes, there were two women who did extraordinary things - breaking the mold of society in order to serve the Lord of All when it was in their power to do so - but they go on...
"It was women who followed Jesus from Galilee to care for His needs. It was women who stayed at the foot of the cross, offering Him the comfort of their presence until Jesus breathed His last (only John remained with them). It was to women that Jesus first revealed Himself after He rose from the dead, and it was women who first 'clasped His feet and worshiped Him' (Matt. 28:9) as the Risen, Victorious Lord." p.124
Wow. Women were intimately involved in every part of His ministry, and especially when times got hard. They were devoted. They were there. Not only were they there, but they were helpful to Jesus. Women attended to His needs. Women prepared the meals. But it was also women who offered Him comfort and support. They did not turn away from His pain. They stayed. They witnessed it. They smelled the smells and held their breath with Him. They experienced the gut wrenching sight of His agony. Their insides churned with helplessness. Their tears streamed down with His.
And you know what? I think that was really helpful to Jesus. He saw them. He knew they were there, and He loved them for it. Jesus loved those women. Those women gave Jesus the gift of love back.
The book goes on...
"Women hold a special place in the heart of God. A woman's worship brings Jesus immense pleasure and a deep ministry." p. 124-125
Here's where my breath caught...
"You can minister to the heart of God." p.125
What?!
I can minster to the heart of God?! That's CRAZY TALK! What can I possibly do to make God feel better or whole or refreshed? What can I possibly do to minister to God?!
My mind immediately started whirring... if people could lend support to Jesus when He was here, who says He doesn't still like it now? Or our Father? And even if it isn't technically needed, doesn't it feel good as a parent when your child comes up and takes your hand and says, "It's ok, Mommy. It'll be ok." Maybe it's not needed for a 5 year old to offer that help for the parent to know it's true... but somehow it's sweetness matters.
"You impact Him. You matter." p. 125
Me. I impact Him. I matter. Something inside me doesn't believe this is true. In fact, in reading this book I realized I believe that I am very replaceable in God's plan. God says He loves me and that He will fight for me, but He also says that if I am unwilling He can fulfill His plan by using rocks if needed. Somehow my heart holds on to the latter instead of the former. I find myself clinging to "He doesn't need me. He has thousands of other people who are doing His work. Who am I? I can choose to turn away right now and although it would be sad for those who love me, it wouldn't alter God's course." I know that's true but wow, that's a sad way to look at my life. This is something I want to change, something I need to change.
I am beautiful.
I am strong.
I am capable.
I am loved.
I am desired by the God of the universe.
I am me,
and I am His.
Help me believe it, Father. Whisper it to me when I forget the words. When I fall down. When I can't find my heart among the thorns of this life. When I turn to stone, help me remember and rest and become soft again. Help me believe I am special to You. Because if I am special to You, I can do anything.
Thursday, May 8, 2014
NEW SERIES: "Oh the things we say..."
As everyone knows, kids say the funniest things.
I used to be really good about writing down all the funny things I hear and say, and I just remembered the joy I got out of reading those later on. It just occurred to me that I should write them down here. Both things I hear AND things I never thought I'd say. I hope to post it regularly.
This should be fun. :) Just for reference, H is 5, girl. J is 3, boy... I doubt E has much to say but he's 1... AC is me, the mom and DC is the dad. And a quick disclaimer... we've been sick. I mean REALLY sick most of the time I was recording these, so you may see a theme...
J: Oh boy! I'm so pescited! (instead of excited)
J: E, noooooo! EEEEEEEEEEE, NOOOOOOOOOOO! MOOOOOOOOOOMMMMM! E is taking my hat off my heaaaaaaad! (all the while clutching the "hat" to himself (his underwear))
AC: J, you need to tuck in your penis. You can't have things hanging out of your underwear all day.
J: I like it this way.
AC: Nevertheless, tuck it in.
DC: H, you're a big enough girl that if you feel sick in your tummy you need to run to the potty and throw up in the potty, ok?
H: Unless I had crutches.
DC: What?
H: If I had crutches I wouldn't be able to run. That would feel weird on my armpits.
DC: Ummm... right. I suppose I can't argue with that. But you don't have crutches, and you could be sick. So run.
J: Mom, can I frow up? (throw up)
AC: No, you're not sick anymore.
J: *actively making himself gag* Mom, I will frow up!
AC: Serious, it's much better to not throw up and be better than being allowed to throw up in a bowl. I promise.
H: Mom, can we go to the park?
AC: No, Sweetie. We don't have time for the park today.
H: Ok, what about the Children's Museum? (located over an hour away and would take a whole day)
*facepalm*
J: *In terrible off-key toddlerness* Wheeeeeen yoooou knooow theeee noooootes toooooo siiiiiing, yooooou caaan siiiing moooost anyyyyyfiiiing! TOGEVFER! (Repeat ad museum)
J: *Pointing to a blue car* Mom, it sounds like Thomas! It's blue like Thomas!
AC: Yes, it LOOKS like Thomas.
DC to AC: Look, it's a new day, the sun is shining, no one has thrown up yet, and only one of us has mildly pooped ourselves... and that was the baby! It's gonna be a GREAT day!
AC to DC: If sweat on the person cleaning is any indication of how clean a bathroom is, ours are now so sanitized I just might drink the toilet water if an EMP went off right now.
I used to be really good about writing down all the funny things I hear and say, and I just remembered the joy I got out of reading those later on. It just occurred to me that I should write them down here. Both things I hear AND things I never thought I'd say. I hope to post it regularly.
This should be fun. :) Just for reference, H is 5, girl. J is 3, boy... I doubt E has much to say but he's 1... AC is me, the mom and DC is the dad. And a quick disclaimer... we've been sick. I mean REALLY sick most of the time I was recording these, so you may see a theme...
J: Oh boy! I'm so pescited! (instead of excited)
J: E, noooooo! EEEEEEEEEEE, NOOOOOOOOOOO! MOOOOOOOOOOMMMMM! E is taking my hat off my heaaaaaaad! (all the while clutching the "hat" to himself (his underwear))
AC: J, you need to tuck in your penis. You can't have things hanging out of your underwear all day.
J: I like it this way.
AC: Nevertheless, tuck it in.
DC: H, you're a big enough girl that if you feel sick in your tummy you need to run to the potty and throw up in the potty, ok?
H: Unless I had crutches.
DC: What?
H: If I had crutches I wouldn't be able to run. That would feel weird on my armpits.
DC: Ummm... right. I suppose I can't argue with that. But you don't have crutches, and you could be sick. So run.
J: Mom, can I frow up? (throw up)
AC: No, you're not sick anymore.
J: *actively making himself gag* Mom, I will frow up!
AC: Serious, it's much better to not throw up and be better than being allowed to throw up in a bowl. I promise.
H: Mom, can we go to the park?
AC: No, Sweetie. We don't have time for the park today.
H: Ok, what about the Children's Museum? (located over an hour away and would take a whole day)
*facepalm*
J: *In terrible off-key toddlerness* Wheeeeeen yoooou knooow theeee noooootes toooooo siiiiiing, yooooou caaan siiiing moooost anyyyyyfiiiing! TOGEVFER! (Repeat ad museum)
J: *Pointing to a blue car* Mom, it sounds like Thomas! It's blue like Thomas!
AC: Yes, it LOOKS like Thomas.
DC to AC: Look, it's a new day, the sun is shining, no one has thrown up yet, and only one of us has mildly pooped ourselves... and that was the baby! It's gonna be a GREAT day!
AC to DC: If sweat on the person cleaning is any indication of how clean a bathroom is, ours are now so sanitized I just might drink the toilet water if an EMP went off right now.
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