Some may wonder what I'm doing.
I mean, putting my whole life out in the open is scary. It's a vulnerable place to be. It's open to ridicule or, worse yet, rejection.
But if I stay in my own mind, there are some major drawbacks. Or, putting it in a positive way, using this blog in this way will provide me with some very large benefits - and I hope in the process to be a benefit to others as well.
1. In my 30 years, I have learned that I need accountability. God knew what He was doing when He blessed me with a strong man to lead me. Having my growth in the open provides plenty of accountability.
2. My mind is a very scattered thing in this phase of life. I very rarely have the ability to put my thoughts down in a way that makes sense. Having this type of outlet gives me that drive, helps me think in terms of posts, and gives me the subtle pressure to make a post for others to read - and therefore make the time to think deeply in the process.
3. I am a writer. I have a friend who wrote that recently on her blog (along with a mourning that she hadn't written as much as she would have liked that year) and it resonated deeply with me. I also am a writer.
4. Another benefit to me is that I am also a sharer. I like to be open. I like to share. I know in ancient times I may have been considered forward and opinionated. And so I am. But in sharing my opinions, every once in a while I'm cuffed. And although that hurts at the time I have learned a lot about myself, about others, and about communication. *Disclaimer: I am not inviting all people to "cuff" me. But I am thankful for those who know my heart and who are close enough to me to gently let me know when I've crossed a line.
5. I strongly believe that there is someone out there that needs my honesty. Well, not my honesty per se, but someone's honesty. Someone needs to know that being a true Christian is hard. Being a mom of littles is hard. Going through both of those things together is hard! Balancing the day-to-day chores with the training of children in the ways of God while taking care of your own spiritual, physical and emotional needs is hard.
For years I have shut down when things get hard. I turn to things that don't matter. I spend hours on Facebook telling myself I'm building and maintaining lasting relationships. But in reality I was pushing off the most important job I have ever been given. I was saying, "I don't know what to do to help you grow through this difficulty. And so since I'm afraid of failing, I'm not going to try. Go figure it out yourself and if you don't become a functioning adult, it's you're own fault." Wow. Really?!
My name is Mandie.
I am a Facebookaholic.
I've actually gotten off of it... 90%. I still have my account. I'm dragging my feet so I can still see what people are up to... every once in a while. But my 700 friends are slimmed down to 35, and my time on there has diminished to checking it every few days. In fact, I'm at a place where I think, "why CAN'T I keep it? I'm being responsible now!" But no... that's my 'Facebookaholic' talking. I can't keep it. I shouldn't be keeping it now. My life is so much better with the 90% I have recovered. Surely that 10% more would bless me that much more.
What does this have to do with my legacy? Well, everything.
I've been reading a book called A Shepherd Looks at Psalm 23. I'm not sure whether I should suggest it or not... it's a very good book when it comes to how we are sheep under Christ's care. However, the author is a believer in the trinity. So if you are not well studied and firm in your belief of what the God-family is, I would not suggest you read it at this time.
However, in the second to last chapter he is talking about "Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life." He points out that this is up to US. Goodness and mercy should be byproducts of a life lived by God's word. As such, he asks these questions...
"Do I leave a trail of sadness or of gladness behind?
Is my memory, in other people's minds, entwined with mercy and goodness, or would they rather forget me altogether?
Do I deposit a blessing behind me, or am I a bane to others? Is my life a pleasure to people or a pain?
In Isaiah 52:7 we read, 'How beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of [them] that bringeth good tidings, that publisheth peace. . . .'
Sometimes it is profitable to ask ourselves such simple questions as:
'Do I leave behind peace in lives -- or turmoil?'
'Do I leave behind forgiveness -- or bitterness?'
'Do I leave behind contentment -- or conflict?'
'Do I leave behind flowers of joy -- or frustration?'
'Do I leave behind love -- or rancor?'
Some people leave such a sorry mess behind them wherever they go that they prefer to cover their tracks.
For the child of God, the one under the Shepherd's care, there should never be any sense of shame or fear in going back to where they have lived or been before. Why? Because they have left a legacy of uplift, encouragement, and inspiration to others." (p. 131-132)
At the same time, this Sabbath we had a sermon by Mr. Swagerty that asked similar questions...
He said there is a balance in all things and to remember that is to do well. But the focus of our lives needs to be God. Am I too busy
1) trying to further, maintain or better my families comfort?
2) increase my consumption of this world's goods?
3) find my 15 minutes of fame?
(yes, yes, yes)
Or am I trying to keep my mind on things above?
"Set your mind on things above, not on the things that are on the earth." Colossians 3:2
All this got me thinking about my legacy. What do I want to leave my kids?
I want to leave them a strong foundation of faithfulness. I want to leave them an example of a life given to God. A life of hope and a life of compassion. A life of forgiveness and a life of joy.
And I know all of that comes with struggle. Only with struggle. Because my carnality wants other things, things that don't belong with God's spirit.
So why am I writing all of this? Why am I making a public example of myself?
Because I feel I am not alone.
Because I think if I open myself up someone else will be brave enough to struggle with me.
Because I hope this is a way I can help our broken generation.
Because I know the words I leave here will bless my children.
Because I want a record of where I've been so I can see the ornate tapestry God is making with my life.
Because...
Because the struggle is a beautiful thing when all is said and done no matter how messy it is in the present time.
Don't we all gain insight and help seeing the struggles of King David, Paul, Moses and Esther? I'm not proud of what I may write, but it's where I am. It's only a milestone, a snapshot, on my journey.
And I want to be here for it all. Focusing. Concentrating. Studying. Meditating. Worshiping.
Leaving my legacy.
Monday, February 10, 2014
Sunday, February 2, 2014
{Sanctify Them} - A New Series
Naming a new journey is a hard thing. Choosing a name that is meaningful, something that will convey the desire, the purpose, the goal and consist of two or three words is a special challenge. Words that make sense to me, and to someone who doesn't know what this is about. One that isn't misleading in it's first glance.
Here are all the names that I liked for one reason or another, with my top three asterisked:
Test All Things - 1 Thessalonians 5:21
Running My Race - 1 Corinthians 9:24-27
Secure My Crown - James 1:12
With Joy - 1 Peter 5:13
A Sure Foundation - Matthew 7:24-27
*Sanctify Them - John 17:17
Help My Unbelief - Mark 9:24
*Renewed in the Spirit - Ephesians 4:23
Created According to God - Ephesians 4:24
Sealed for the day - Ephesians 4:30
Well Done - Matthew 25:23
*Good and Faithful Servant - Matthew 25:23
Pure Milk - 1 Peter 2:1-3
He Who Overcomes - Revelation 2-3
Faithful Until Death - Revelation 2:10
Hold Fast - Revelation 2:25
Strengthen What Remains - Revelation 3:2
He Who Has an Ear - Revelation 2-3
I've also been moved by this passage for the past few months. I remember posting something about it on Facebook, which was pretty much ignored by my 700+ friends. I don't know... it seems as though I post something cute about the kids and everyone is all over it. Post something that I'm truly thinking about and it's left alone. Sidenote: Of my 700+ friends, at least 675 were church people from many different COGs.
There is a generation that curses its father,
And does not bless its mother.
There is a generation that is pure in its own eyes,
Yet is not washed from its filthiness.
There is a generation-- oh, how lofty are their eyes!
And their eyelids are lifted up.
Proverbs 30:11-13
These verses spoke to me. I see "self-confidence" and "everyone wins" and "believe in yourself", "follow your heart", "you deserve this", etc. etc. etc. It's all around. It's everywhere. Living in this world is an emersion experiment of self-me-I. In America especially since I was in school we seem to be specializing in, "You can do anything you set your mind to! Now go do it!!!" (while mumbling in a very fast disclaimer at the bottom of the screen "please ignore the fact your child was passed from grade to grade whether or not he/she could read, write, and do arithmetic to the desired levels. We just want them out of our system so they no longer drag down our testing scores because after all that's what really matters. GO GET 'EM SON!") As a result my generation and below has been instilled with a disdain for older people. We have been unequipped to handle real life. We think we know everything and that we can do anything. And yet most of us are too lazy to do hard work, or better yet, too full of ourselves to start in an entry level position. My generation is this generation.
And we are in trouble.
Add to that, in my case, the calling God has given me and I have the opportunity to keep the status quo, or to overcome and soar.
I want to overcome. Overcome my American brainwashing. My laziness. My pride. My pain. My shortcomings. My culture. My desires. Me.
Alright God - I have prayed for you to cut gently. I have laid out some foundations of where I'm beginning. I'm ready to go. Help me cling to You. Help me keep to the trunk of the tree. Guide me to good resources - people, words and ideas that your spirit has strengthened. Keep me close. Help me. Sanctify me by Your truth - Your word is truth.
Renewing myself daily,
Mandie
Here are all the names that I liked for one reason or another, with my top three asterisked:
Test All Things - 1 Thessalonians 5:21
Running My Race - 1 Corinthians 9:24-27
Secure My Crown - James 1:12
With Joy - 1 Peter 5:13
A Sure Foundation - Matthew 7:24-27
*Sanctify Them - John 17:17
Help My Unbelief - Mark 9:24
*Renewed in the Spirit - Ephesians 4:23
Created According to God - Ephesians 4:24
Sealed for the day - Ephesians 4:30
Well Done - Matthew 25:23
*Good and Faithful Servant - Matthew 25:23
Pure Milk - 1 Peter 2:1-3
He Who Overcomes - Revelation 2-3
Faithful Until Death - Revelation 2:10
Hold Fast - Revelation 2:25
Strengthen What Remains - Revelation 3:2
He Who Has an Ear - Revelation 2-3
I've also been moved by this passage for the past few months. I remember posting something about it on Facebook, which was pretty much ignored by my 700+ friends. I don't know... it seems as though I post something cute about the kids and everyone is all over it. Post something that I'm truly thinking about and it's left alone. Sidenote: Of my 700+ friends, at least 675 were church people from many different COGs.
There is a generation that curses its father,
And does not bless its mother.
There is a generation that is pure in its own eyes,
Yet is not washed from its filthiness.
There is a generation-- oh, how lofty are their eyes!
And their eyelids are lifted up.
Proverbs 30:11-13
These verses spoke to me. I see "self-confidence" and "everyone wins" and "believe in yourself", "follow your heart", "you deserve this", etc. etc. etc. It's all around. It's everywhere. Living in this world is an emersion experiment of self-me-I. In America especially since I was in school we seem to be specializing in, "You can do anything you set your mind to! Now go do it!!!" (while mumbling in a very fast disclaimer at the bottom of the screen "please ignore the fact your child was passed from grade to grade whether or not he/she could read, write, and do arithmetic to the desired levels. We just want them out of our system so they no longer drag down our testing scores because after all that's what really matters. GO GET 'EM SON!") As a result my generation and below has been instilled with a disdain for older people. We have been unequipped to handle real life. We think we know everything and that we can do anything. And yet most of us are too lazy to do hard work, or better yet, too full of ourselves to start in an entry level position. My generation is this generation.
And we are in trouble.
Add to that, in my case, the calling God has given me and I have the opportunity to keep the status quo, or to overcome and soar.
I want to overcome. Overcome my American brainwashing. My laziness. My pride. My pain. My shortcomings. My culture. My desires. Me.
Alright God - I have prayed for you to cut gently. I have laid out some foundations of where I'm beginning. I'm ready to go. Help me cling to You. Help me keep to the trunk of the tree. Guide me to good resources - people, words and ideas that your spirit has strengthened. Keep me close. Help me. Sanctify me by Your truth - Your word is truth.
Renewing myself daily,
Mandie
Saturday, February 1, 2014
A Time For Every Purpose Under Heaven
I did something I probably shouldn't have today.
I can't even tell you how I got started.
It came out of nowhere - a webpage that a true Church member should never be on. It wasn't edifying. In fact, it was downright sarcastic, offensive, and blasphemous.
Maybe I shouldn't even list it here. It's probably not even worth mentioning. Let's just say it was one of the many sites that people have set up to watch, comment on, and criticize the Churches of God at large. This particular fellow has chosen to refer to all of us as "cults" and uses the term "Armstrongism" as though it was a bad word.
Now, I've never given much credence to these people and I'm not sure why I stayed on his site for so long. Perhaps it was sheer curiosity what he said about the various churches. He seemed to be fairly spot on when pointing out the faults of UCG as an organization and since I've never taken the time to compare and contrast the hundreds of splinter groups I figured I'd probably gain a bit of insight into some.
He spent a lot of time referencing last week's letter from UCG's president, Mr. Kubik, where he called a church wide fast for unity and a closer relationship to God. He talked about how, in his opinion, this was going to be Mr. Kubik's first step to slowly introducing doctrine changes. To the author, this was a good thing... after all, every single splinter group is stagnant when it comes to numbers. At best all we can do is cannibalize each other and steal members from one organization or another. And his thesis is that if we can give up the archaic competitive edge that worked in the 50s but isn't working now, perhaps then we could finally enjoy a larger and more user friendly church culture. Then again, he says that's what they tried in '95 and have since found that being a hybrid (not pure and yet not mainstream) is no better when it comes to cold, hard numbers.
I certainly did agree with his assessment on what a mess the Church was in. What I absolutely could not agree with was his take on why our numbers are so low, and not growing. It is not the message. That message is God's word and the only truth humans can cling to for life. Changing that message will do no good. Yes it is a very sad reality that the Church of God is spread not only over the whole earth but over so many small groups that we can not know how many there really are in any given place. It truly saddens me when I realize I could be standing behind a Church member in the supermarket checkout line and never know because they go to LCG, CGG, COGwa, ICG, CGI... etc. But that also is not the fault of the message.
Just because humans are a mess does not mean God is.
Just because we can't figure out unity doesn't mean God can't.
Just because Job was beaten down and his thoughts were scattered to the winds, that didn't mean he sat down on his ash heap and blasphemed God. So it is with His true Church.
No, bad things can happen to God's people and if this is as bad as it's going to get during my life time, I consider myself truly blessed.
The point I'm trying to get to is that reading this man's thoughts made me realize that I, as a second generation Christian, MUST take the time to prove all things. It is time for me to KNOW I KNOW that people like this man have no leg to stand on. It is time for me to KNOW I KNOW that what I have given my life to is indeed right where I need to be. IT IS TIME. I have been blessed to grow up in the Church. I was baptized by 19, married by 21, and a mother to a child who received the Blessing of the Little Children by 26. I am now mother to three children who look to me for answers. The wife of a man who is strong in his faith.
I'm strong too - so strong in my faith that I have never truly questioned what that faith is based on. Some might call it blind faith. And perhaps they would be right. No more. It is time.
So I realized I'm now 30-something. I don't have any other religious background to compare the Truth to. I also don't have any reason to not believe what I do. But looking ahead to my 40s I see a scary time of life coming. It seems to me that people in their 40s get shaken. I'm not sure why, I'm not sure by who, I'm not sure how. Perhaps those answers are different for every person. But I'm willing to bet for me that shaking is going to come as serious, serious questions about my faith IF I don't prove it now. And so, I'm going to start on a journey. One that's necessary as a second-generation Christian. One that's hard as a second-generation Christian because I'm supposed to "know" everything already. I'm supposed to have all faith because it's my heritage. I'm supposed to somehow have had an "aha" moment like my first-generation counterparts. Second-generation Christians are so very different and backward from their trail-blazing families in so many ways. Our journey is so backward.
It's a journey that first-generation Christians will look at and judge me for. Please season your words with grace.
It's a journey that others might think is lacking in faith. Please give me room to say, "I believe. Help my unbelief!"
It's a journey that some may think is too raw. Please let me share my honesty.
It's a journey that, I believe, every second-generation Christian is going to have to come to at one point or another to gain the strength to finish the race and secure their crown. And I pray that through my journey someone else is blessed with the courage to begin it. To be raw, to be real, and to live their faith.
Enjoy a song to get you ready to come with me on my journey. Have a restful Sabbath.
I can't even tell you how I got started.
It came out of nowhere - a webpage that a true Church member should never be on. It wasn't edifying. In fact, it was downright sarcastic, offensive, and blasphemous.
Maybe I shouldn't even list it here. It's probably not even worth mentioning. Let's just say it was one of the many sites that people have set up to watch, comment on, and criticize the Churches of God at large. This particular fellow has chosen to refer to all of us as "cults" and uses the term "Armstrongism" as though it was a bad word.
Now, I've never given much credence to these people and I'm not sure why I stayed on his site for so long. Perhaps it was sheer curiosity what he said about the various churches. He seemed to be fairly spot on when pointing out the faults of UCG as an organization and since I've never taken the time to compare and contrast the hundreds of splinter groups I figured I'd probably gain a bit of insight into some.
He spent a lot of time referencing last week's letter from UCG's president, Mr. Kubik, where he called a church wide fast for unity and a closer relationship to God. He talked about how, in his opinion, this was going to be Mr. Kubik's first step to slowly introducing doctrine changes. To the author, this was a good thing... after all, every single splinter group is stagnant when it comes to numbers. At best all we can do is cannibalize each other and steal members from one organization or another. And his thesis is that if we can give up the archaic competitive edge that worked in the 50s but isn't working now, perhaps then we could finally enjoy a larger and more user friendly church culture. Then again, he says that's what they tried in '95 and have since found that being a hybrid (not pure and yet not mainstream) is no better when it comes to cold, hard numbers.
I certainly did agree with his assessment on what a mess the Church was in. What I absolutely could not agree with was his take on why our numbers are so low, and not growing. It is not the message. That message is God's word and the only truth humans can cling to for life. Changing that message will do no good. Yes it is a very sad reality that the Church of God is spread not only over the whole earth but over so many small groups that we can not know how many there really are in any given place. It truly saddens me when I realize I could be standing behind a Church member in the supermarket checkout line and never know because they go to LCG, CGG, COGwa, ICG, CGI... etc. But that also is not the fault of the message.
Just because humans are a mess does not mean God is.
Just because we can't figure out unity doesn't mean God can't.
Just because Job was beaten down and his thoughts were scattered to the winds, that didn't mean he sat down on his ash heap and blasphemed God. So it is with His true Church.
No, bad things can happen to God's people and if this is as bad as it's going to get during my life time, I consider myself truly blessed.
The point I'm trying to get to is that reading this man's thoughts made me realize that I, as a second generation Christian, MUST take the time to prove all things. It is time for me to KNOW I KNOW that people like this man have no leg to stand on. It is time for me to KNOW I KNOW that what I have given my life to is indeed right where I need to be. IT IS TIME. I have been blessed to grow up in the Church. I was baptized by 19, married by 21, and a mother to a child who received the Blessing of the Little Children by 26. I am now mother to three children who look to me for answers. The wife of a man who is strong in his faith.
I'm strong too - so strong in my faith that I have never truly questioned what that faith is based on. Some might call it blind faith. And perhaps they would be right. No more. It is time.
So I realized I'm now 30-something. I don't have any other religious background to compare the Truth to. I also don't have any reason to not believe what I do. But looking ahead to my 40s I see a scary time of life coming. It seems to me that people in their 40s get shaken. I'm not sure why, I'm not sure by who, I'm not sure how. Perhaps those answers are different for every person. But I'm willing to bet for me that shaking is going to come as serious, serious questions about my faith IF I don't prove it now. And so, I'm going to start on a journey. One that's necessary as a second-generation Christian. One that's hard as a second-generation Christian because I'm supposed to "know" everything already. I'm supposed to have all faith because it's my heritage. I'm supposed to somehow have had an "aha" moment like my first-generation counterparts. Second-generation Christians are so very different and backward from their trail-blazing families in so many ways. Our journey is so backward.
It's a journey that first-generation Christians will look at and judge me for. Please season your words with grace.
It's a journey that others might think is lacking in faith. Please give me room to say, "I believe. Help my unbelief!"
It's a journey that some may think is too raw. Please let me share my honesty.
It's a journey that, I believe, every second-generation Christian is going to have to come to at one point or another to gain the strength to finish the race and secure their crown. And I pray that through my journey someone else is blessed with the courage to begin it. To be raw, to be real, and to live their faith.
Enjoy a song to get you ready to come with me on my journey. Have a restful Sabbath.
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