A Special People

I just read something that literally blew my mind. It stopped me in my mental tracks. My breath caught. I couldn't finish reading without pausing and considering the implications of the words I just took in.

I have been reading a book called Captivating by John and Staci Eldridge. So far it has been a good read. Lots of nuggets that make me stop and think... think about my childhood and parents, think about my parenting and how I'm affecting my children, and think about God and me and what He truly thinks of who I am.

On page 120, they ask the question, "What is it that God wants from you?" It's an amazing question to me. I asked that same question in an article titled "The Slow Tree" I wrote for our church publication. My answer in my article was, "God is your Father, you are His daughter. What does any father want from a daughter? For her to love him, to talk to him and to include him in her life. To take what he says seriously.” I came to that conclusion after months of inward battles and nights of crying and searching. It was a hard fought revelation in my life, and one that has helped this past year as I slowly continue to grow in grace and knowledge.

A few pages past that, the Eldridge's talk about how God views women, and specifically how women played a major role in Jesus' life...

"There was an event that took place in the life of Jesus that He said should be told whenever the Gospel is proclaimed around the world. It was when Mary of Bethany came an anointed Him with perfume, which cost a year's wages. It as an extravagant act of sacrificial worship, and the aroma of it filled the room. Jesus was profoundly moved by it. The men gathered there were indignant. It was a woman who did this for Christ. Just as it was also a woman who rushed into the Pharisee's house uninvited and washed Jesus' feet with her tears, dried them with her hair, and kissed them in an act of intimate, repentant worship." p.124

Now in and of itself, these two examples aren't that compelling. Yes, there were two women who did extraordinary things - breaking the mold of society in order to serve the Lord of All when it was in their power to do so - but they go on...

"It was women who followed Jesus from Galilee to care for His needs. It was women who stayed at the foot of the cross, offering Him the comfort of their presence until Jesus breathed His last (only John remained with them). It was to women that Jesus first revealed Himself after He rose from the dead, and it was women who first 'clasped His feet and worshiped Him' (Matt. 28:9) as the Risen, Victorious Lord." p.124

Wow. Women were intimately involved in every part of His ministry, and especially when times got hard. They were devoted. They were there. Not only were they there, but they were helpful to Jesus. Women attended to His needs. Women prepared the meals. But it was also women who offered Him comfort and support. They did not turn away from His pain. They stayed. They witnessed it. They smelled the smells and held their breath with Him. They experienced the gut wrenching sight of His agony. Their insides churned with helplessness. Their tears streamed down with His.

And you know what? I think that was really helpful to Jesus. He saw them. He knew they were there, and He loved them for it. Jesus loved those women. Those women gave Jesus the gift of love back.

The book goes on...

"Women hold a special place in the heart of God. A woman's worship brings Jesus immense pleasure and a deep ministry." p. 124-125

Here's where my breath caught...

"You can minister to the heart of God." p.125

What?!

I can minster to the heart of God?! That's CRAZY TALK! What can I possibly do to make God feel better or whole or refreshed? What can I possibly do to minister to God?!

My mind immediately started whirring... if people could lend support to Jesus when He was here, who says He doesn't still like it now? Or our Father? And even if it isn't technically needed, doesn't it feel good as a parent when your child comes up and takes your hand and says, "It's ok, Mommy. It'll be ok." Maybe it's not needed for a 5 year old to offer that help for the parent to know it's true... but somehow it's sweetness matters.

"You impact Him. You matter." p. 125

Me. I impact Him. I matter. Something inside me doesn't believe this is true. In fact, in reading this book I realized I believe that I am very replaceable in God's plan. God says He loves me and that He will fight for me, but He also says that if I am unwilling He can fulfill His plan by using rocks if needed. Somehow my heart holds on to the latter instead of the former. I find myself clinging to "He doesn't need me. He has thousands of other people who are doing His work. Who am I? I can choose to turn away right now and although it would be sad for those who love me, it wouldn't alter God's course." I know that's true but wow, that's a sad way to look at my life. This is something I want to change, something I need to change.

I am beautiful.
I am strong.
I am capable.
I am loved.
I am desired by the God of the universe.
I am me,
and I am His.

Help me believe it, Father. Whisper it to me when I forget the words. When I fall down. When I can't find my heart among the thorns of this life. When I turn to stone, help me remember and rest and become soft again. Help me believe I am special to You. Because if I am special to You, I can do anything.

NEW SERIES: "Oh the things we say..."

As everyone knows, kids say the funniest things.

I used to be really good about writing down all the funny things I hear and say, and I just remembered the joy I got out of reading those later on. It just occurred to me that I should write them down here. Both things I hear AND things I never thought I'd say. I hope to post it regularly.

This should be fun. :) Just for reference, H is 5, girl. J is 3, boy... I doubt E has much to say but he's 1... AC is me, the mom and DC is the dad. And a quick disclaimer... we've been sick. I mean REALLY sick most of the time I was recording these, so you may see a theme...


J: Oh boy! I'm so pescited! (instead of excited)


J: E, noooooo! EEEEEEEEEEE, NOOOOOOOOOOO! MOOOOOOOOOOMMMMM! E is taking my hat off my heaaaaaaad! (all the while clutching the "hat" to himself (his underwear))


AC: J, you need to tuck in your penis. You can't have things hanging out of your underwear all day.
J: I like it this way.
AC: Nevertheless, tuck it in.


DC: H, you're a big enough girl that if you feel sick in your tummy you need to run to the potty and throw up in the potty, ok?
H: Unless I had crutches.
DC: What?
H: If I had crutches I wouldn't be able to run. That would feel weird on my armpits.
DC: Ummm... right. I suppose I can't argue with that. But you don't have crutches, and you could be sick. So run.


J: Mom, can I frow up? (throw up)
AC: No, you're not sick anymore.
J: *actively making himself gag* Mom, I will frow up!
AC: Serious, it's much better to not throw up and be better than being allowed to throw up in a bowl. I promise.


H: Mom, can we go to the park?
AC: No, Sweetie. We don't have time for the park today.
H: Ok, what about the Children's Museum? (located over an hour away and would take a whole day)
*facepalm*


J: *In terrible off-key toddlerness* Wheeeeeen yoooou knooow theeee noooootes toooooo siiiiiing, yooooou caaan siiiing moooost anyyyyyfiiiing! TOGEVFER! (Repeat ad museum)


J: *Pointing to a blue car* Mom, it sounds like Thomas! It's blue like Thomas!
AC: Yes, it LOOKS like Thomas.


DC to AC: Look, it's a new day, the sun is shining, no one has thrown up yet, and only one of us has mildly pooped ourselves... and that was the baby! It's gonna be a GREAT day!


AC to DC: If sweat on the person cleaning is any indication of how clean a bathroom is, ours are now so sanitized I just might drink the toilet water if an EMP went off right now.