My Legacy

Some may wonder what I'm doing.

I mean, putting my whole life out in the open is scary. It's a vulnerable place to be. It's open to ridicule or, worse yet, rejection.

But if I stay in my own mind, there are some major drawbacks. Or, putting it in a positive way, using this blog in this way will provide me with some very large benefits - and I hope in the process to be a benefit to others as well.

1. In my 30 years, I have learned that I need accountability. God knew what He was doing when He blessed me with a strong man to lead me. Having my growth in the open provides plenty of accountability.
2. My mind is a very scattered thing in this phase of life. I very rarely have the ability to put my thoughts down in a way that makes sense. Having this type of outlet gives me that drive, helps me think in terms of posts, and gives me the subtle pressure to make a post for others to read - and therefore make the time to think deeply in the process.
3. I am a writer. I have a friend who wrote that recently on her blog (along with a mourning that she hadn't written as much as she would have liked that year) and it resonated deeply with me. I also am a writer.
4. Another benefit to me is that I am also a sharer. I like to be open. I like to share. I know in ancient times I may have been considered forward and opinionated. And so I am. But in sharing my opinions, every once in a while I'm cuffed. And although that hurts at the time I have learned a lot about myself, about others, and about communication. *Disclaimer: I am not inviting all people to "cuff" me. But I am thankful for those who know my heart and who are close enough to me to gently let me know when I've crossed a line.
5. I strongly believe that there is someone out there that needs my honesty. Well, not my honesty per se, but someone's honesty. Someone needs to know that being a true Christian is hard. Being a mom of littles is hard. Going through both of those things together is hard! Balancing the day-to-day chores with the training of children in the ways of God while taking care of your own spiritual, physical and emotional needs is hard.

For years I have shut down when things get hard. I turn to things that don't matter. I spend hours on Facebook telling myself I'm building and maintaining lasting relationships. But in reality I was pushing off the most important job I have ever been given. I was saying, "I don't know what to do to help you grow through this difficulty. And so since I'm afraid of failing, I'm not going to try. Go figure it out yourself and if you don't become a functioning adult, it's you're own fault." Wow. Really?!

My name is Mandie.
I am a Facebookaholic.

I've actually gotten off of it... 90%. I still have my account. I'm dragging my feet so I can still see what people are up to... every once in a while. But my 700 friends are slimmed down to 35, and my time on there has diminished to checking it every few days. In fact, I'm at a place where I think, "why CAN'T I keep it? I'm being responsible now!" But no... that's my 'Facebookaholic' talking. I can't keep it. I shouldn't be keeping it now. My life is so much better with the 90% I have recovered. Surely that 10% more would bless me that much more.

What does this have to do with my legacy? Well, everything.

I've been reading a book called A Shepherd Looks at Psalm 23. I'm not sure whether I should suggest it or not... it's a very good book when it comes to how we are sheep under Christ's care. However, the author is a believer in the trinity. So if you are not well studied and firm in your belief of what the God-family is, I would not suggest you read it at this time.

However, in the second to last chapter he is talking about "Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life." He points out that this is up to US. Goodness and mercy should be byproducts of a life lived by God's word. As such, he asks these questions...

"Do I leave a trail of sadness or of gladness behind?
Is my memory, in other people's minds, entwined with mercy and goodness, or would they rather forget me altogether?
Do I deposit a blessing behind me, or am I a bane to others? Is my life a pleasure to people or a pain?
In Isaiah 52:7 we read, 'How beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of [them] that bringeth good tidings, that publisheth peace. . . .'
Sometimes it is profitable to ask ourselves such simple questions as:
'Do I leave behind peace in lives -- or turmoil?'
'Do I leave behind forgiveness -- or bitterness?'
'Do I leave behind contentment -- or conflict?'
'Do I leave behind flowers of joy -- or frustration?'
'Do I leave behind love -- or rancor?'
Some people leave such a sorry mess behind them wherever they go that they prefer to cover their tracks.
For the child of God, the one under the Shepherd's care, there should never be any sense of shame or fear in going back to where they have lived or been before. Why? Because they have left a legacy of uplift, encouragement, and inspiration to others." (p. 131-132)

At the same time, this Sabbath we had a sermon by Mr. Swagerty that asked similar questions...

He said there is a balance in all things and to remember that is to do well. But the focus of our lives needs to be God. Am I too busy
1) trying to further, maintain or better my families comfort?
2) increase my consumption of this world's goods?
3) find my 15 minutes of fame?
(yes, yes, yes)
Or am I trying to keep my mind on things above?
"Set your mind on things above, not on the things that are on the earth." Colossians 3:2

All this got me thinking about my legacy. What do I want to leave my kids?

I want to leave them a strong foundation of faithfulness. I want to leave them an example of a life given to God. A life of hope and a life of compassion. A life of forgiveness and a life of joy.

And I know all of that comes with struggle. Only with struggle. Because my carnality wants other things, things that don't belong with God's spirit.

So why am I writing all of this? Why am I making a public example of myself?

Because I feel I am not alone.
Because I think if I open myself up someone else will be brave enough to struggle with me.
Because I hope this is a way I can help our broken generation.
Because I know the words I leave here will bless my children.
Because I want a record of where I've been so I can see the ornate tapestry God is making with my life.
Because...
Because the struggle is a beautiful thing when all is said and done no matter how messy it is in the present time.

Don't we all gain insight and help seeing the struggles of King David, Paul, Moses and Esther? I'm not proud of what I may write, but it's where I am. It's only a milestone, a snapshot, on my journey.

And I want to be here for it all. Focusing. Concentrating. Studying. Meditating. Worshiping.
Leaving my legacy.