Life More Abundant - REVISED

This year is going to be a liberating year, and I'm so excited for it.

I have been a Facebookaholic for... I'm not sure how long. A long time. And I have been in the process of shutting it down for (yikes) two years.

This is it. I'm going to pull the plug.

I considered doing it before Passover as a deadline, but realized if I did that it would take up too much of that precious time that should be preparing my mind and heart and home instead. And so, I will sit on it for another week so my focus is right.

My focus this year has been attacked from all sides, it seems. Here I am the day before we take the Passover and I'm finally finding a peace and calm about doing that. For the past two weeks I have attempted to change my focus to preparing myself and in those two weeks I have not succeeded. Instead I have busied myself...

1. With external relationships (friends, get togethers)
2. Reading books! Books that are good, but not meat in due season.
3. Learning about other new, fascinating subjects (essential oils, anyone?)
4. Deleavening and meal planning and cooking and cleaning and laundry and only a smidge of Spring cleaning and organizing sprinkled in
5. Nurturing my self-pity for my current situations
6. Doing research to prove/disprove some assertions made by a friend who is struggling in the church

All but one of those things is good and helpful in it's time. Some are self-induced, some have been thrust on me. I have struggled with saying, "NO! Not right now." I want to do it all.

But in trying to do it all I have slipped farther and farther away from the goal of preparing myself, my heart and my deepest places to take part in the most amazing annual observance we have. Of all the seasons in my year, this is the one I want MUST get right.

No, not the lamb dinner... although I do want that to be scrumptious.
No, not the responses to my struggling friend... although I do want those to be edifying.
No, not even the physical deleavening of my home... although I do want it to be found acceptable.

Me.
My sin.
My struggle.
My vain existence.

I am finally looking back over this past year in the right way. I am seeing the beautiful things I've found and written and seen, and the painful things I've found and written and seen... I am viewing the fruits of this blog as I re-read The Tsunami of my Heart or even Life More Abundant (the newest post that this post is replacing) and I am thankful I have made that record, because without it those deep thoughts I had would be gone. The same as a man who sees himself in a mirror and immediately turns and forgets.

I don't want to forget.
Please, God, help me to not forget.

And help me to grow.

Create in me a clean heart, O God,
And renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Do not cast me away from Your presence,
And do not take Your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of Your salvation,
And uphold me by Your generous Spirit.
Then I will teach transgressors Your ways,
And sinners shall be converted to You.
          Psalm 51:10-13

Help me to grow.